vaguelyaware.com

its occured to me as i stroll along the picturesque florida beaches and cruise the gulf goast in nic’s boat that some retarted tourists have absolutely no idea how to apply suntan lotion and why it is so important to apply properly. No worries, i will explain everything in plain english with pictures.
So really, i can understand why people have trouble as there are many ways to go about applying suntan lotion, but i will go over the best, most effective method i have found. Step one - Squirt some lotion on your hands, then rub your hands together to spread the lotion for even application. Step two - Apply liberally to all uncovered pronounced areas of the body, including but not limited to: your nose, shoulders, ears, under your eyes and certaily more areas if you have a few more curves, ie. breasts or pot belly.
Make sure when reaching over your shoulders you get a nice hand print evenly over both shoulders. This a crucial strategic manuever do not forget this. After a few hours in the sun you should have results liek this. Once you have a good looking hand print you can then start cruising for a good looking girl to assist you, as you obviously cannot assist yourslef properly. Once you have found an appropriate candidate you will probably realize she is from sarasota and wouldnt throw you a life jacket if you were drowning. So you will just walk around looking like a dumb tourist. So, apply liberally AND completely.